Impatience and Hope for the Future
Inside the Mind:
I was talking with Anon and My Fair Lady last night on the topic of how God is working in our generation of friends and family. It is such an exciting thing to see God visibly work through situations in the lives of people who are close to us, resulting in a large impact for the kingdom. I praise God and rejoice for what He is doing in their lives, and yet I feel a hint of despair at my own seemingly small usefulness in His kingdom. It’s as if I am sitting on the sideline of the biggest championship game in history as the rest of my team marches on to victory. When will the coach put me in? When will I be able to use my God-given gifts to their fullest extent and aid in the advancement of His kingdom? How long will I be kept in the dark - away from the plans He has for my life?
These questions I find myself asking more and more as time zips by, never to be seen again. My time on earth is short, but I want to spend that time effectively for His glory. Oh, how I long for Him to use me! Amidst my impatience, I often overlook the fact that He needs to mold me into that perfect puzzle shape before I will fit into the puzzle. I cannot fit into the puzzle as I am. I must be patient and allow perseverance to finish its work in me. He has given me many responsibilities and relationships that He will use to continue to mold me and make me, until the time has come. My future is in the dark, but I have His faithfulness and grace to look on in my past, which will allow me to hope for the work He will do in my future.
I am currently reading the book, Shadow of the Almighty, which is biography on Jim Elliot. It is inspiring to read of someone who was so passionate for Christ and so heaven-minded in his purpose for life that his every action was used to further Christ’s kingdom. Reading this book, I can identify with many of his thoughts early on in his life. According to his diaries, Jim felt the very way I am feeling right now for most of his life. As I continued to read through his life, I saw circumstance after circumstance that God through at him to prepare him for God’s future work. This encourages me of the truth that God continues to work in our lives even if we do feel helpless. During this time, it is our duty to make the most of every single opportunity, whether it be small or large, and passionately use that opportunity for His glory, no matter the result that will occur. When we are ready in His eyes and the time has arrived, He will make the move to put us in the game.
The following is a quote by Jim Elliot that I found to be exceedingly inspiring:
“The past is gone, and I am glad, both for its going and for the way it went. God has led in, through, and out, by the best route possible, we may believe. I am particularly conscious of the Christian’s right to expect events to be exactly for good. ‘As for God, His way is perfect.’ ”
I made plenty of stupid mistakes in the past that has furthered me from God’s presence, and I am not pleased with how far away I am away from His presence at this time. Thankfully, God is faithful, graceful, and forgiving. Even at my distance, He longs to guide me closer to His presence. The mistakes that occurred in my past, I cannot help but think they were done for a reason. I am still feeling the effects of these mistakes and am continually learning from them. God knows my life more than I do, and I trust that He is guiding me by the best route possible to overcome my hardness of heart, so that I might become usable for His glory. His ways are perfect.
That I would be patient and enduring until the time He has for me. That I would not be discouraged due to lack of opportunities since I began working full time over winter break.
Verse of the Week:
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. – Psalm 40:1-3
posted by paroikeo @ 12/03/2005 02:20:00 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
full time working, wow! is this just while there is no school or are you going to continue working that much when school starts up again. Lots of work and Lots of school don't allow for lots of fun. which i'm sure you are quite aware of.
I still can't believe that you are already done with this sem. I stil have 2 weeks left!!!!!!!!!
Meredith
No.. I'm just working full time until Christmas. You'll never find me going to school full time and working full time.
It doesn't feel like much of a vacation when you are working, though. I am still thankful to God for having this job in the first place.
Zechariah 4 has part of the parallel story to the passages Pastor has been teaching from. It has a couple of my favorite sciptures in it and I think is quite applicable to what you have written.
First, God is not limited by your current shape - just because you cannot see how He is using you doesn't mean that He is not. Your life and your writing, for example, are an encouragement to your previous youth leaders.
Second, those relationships that He has given to mold and make you ARE the plans He has for your life and will have eternal significance. They are not a waiting game or a time of preparation and you must reckon it so even if it does not seem that way. Sometimes we think when we get older, when we get wiser, when we get more powerful.... but what God says in Zech 4:6 is that His work is not accomplished by might nor by power but by His Spirit - of which you have plenty.
And lastly, look at Zech 4;10 - who has despised the day of small things? It did not matter that Zerubbabel's temple was small and insignificant in comparison to Solomon's temple - it mattered that he was obedient and took the plumb in his hands to begin the work God had asked him to do - even if that work looked insignificant to him.
Each day represents a divine appointment - or appointments from God - recognize that He is using you and obey Him and you will see in hindsight that He was using you mightily even though you did not recognize how.
With Love
Third,
I'm waiting for alot of things to happen right now. Everything seems so far away and I feel like those points in my life will never come. But then I look back at how God has changed me with this waiting. Seeing how God is preparing my heart and mind for the future and changing me into the woman he's planned for me to be gives me hope and peace.
And like Anon said in the car the other night, asking God to show you what He wants you to do really is terrifying. Because by asking for that, you're falling in line with His will and you know He will show you. And then you have to obey. It can be so scary sometimes to completely submit to God's will, but He will give you the strength and courage to obey.
Your blog encourages my heart. Never evaluate your usefulness to the King by the fruit of the present moment. His preparations are part of what it means to be a sojourner.
One of the great joys of the Christian life is that God often does not allow you to see the impact that you have had until later (or as in Jim Elliot's case, until eternity). And yet the impact was there. Perhaps God protects us from the pride we might develop by allowing us to see none of the results until we will so clearly give ONLY Him the credit. I know in my own life that there were so many things that were impacts on the world that I did not know or see until more than 10 years later.
Press on faithfu one, do not claim to be so wise as to know what impact God may be making or not making out of your daily faithful walk.
Time to update deary dear!
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