A Story of Submission and God's Leading: Part II

Picking up from where I left off last entry, I had finally made my college decision. This, of course, was not just a college decision, but a decision that would affect the next four years of my life. I realized that by choosing DePaul I would face many difficulties: having a long, daily commute, a lot of walking, spending time in the unfamiliar Chicago Loop, meeting a wide variety of people every day, being in a very liberal and anti-Christian college environment, being surrounded by the hustle and bustle of life in Chicago, and many more things. These difficulties I embraced as only obstacles – and ones that I could overcome easily with God at my side. I prayed that God would use these obstacles to mold me and train me for His future work.

One of the first important lessons that was brought to my attention was the importance of preparing my heart for the day ahead. Because of my long commute, I have a large amount of downtime in the morning. At the beginning of the school year, I usually spent this time reading. One of these books, a biography on George Mueller, stressed the importance of meditating on God’s word and preparing your heart in the morning. This book led to a change in my habits and I began to use this time to study and meditate on His Word. How can you glorify God throughout the day, if your soul is not in a ‘happy state’ with Him? How can you learn from God’s lessons if your mind is already racing ahead to the day’s activities and completely throwing aside the sovereignty of God? We are all humans here and need constant reminders that life is not all about us. By reading and meditating on scripture before the day’s activities (not just praying or typical ‘reading’, but actual applicable meditation and studying), I have found myself to be well prepared for the day’s situations; more so than I have ever experienced before. My morning commute has provided for some of my most productive Bible study and prayer sessions.

The second lesson I learned, and one that I am still learning, was that of boldness. I quickly had the opportunity to set myself apart from the typical freshman. Starting from the very first day of our immersion week, there were stories of parties and half the class was hung-over. I found it hard to hold a conversation when all they talked about was how they got drunk last night. Still, every opportunity I had, I made it known that I was a Christian. This opened the door for several conversations about Christ with non-Christian friends that were in my classes. Nothing overly spectacular, but I must start somewhere. Coming into school, one of my weaknesses was avoiding any situation that required me to make a stand for Christianity. I believe this is one thing that needs to change before I can be of any use to Him.

I had the wonderful opportunity of becoming involved with the InterVarsity group at DePaul and am encouraged at the direction they are headed. Their emphasis is on weekly small group meetings at different times on different days with two large group meetings each quarter. We also have many different activities throughout the quarter. It has been amazing to see God work in my own small group this past quarter. The group has grown tremendously and many heart-changing topics were brought up that you could tell many of the students had a passion for. For the large group meetings, I have had the opportunity to help lead worship with my guitar. It will be exciting to see how God continues to work throughout the rest of the school year.

For the sake of brevity, I will cut this entry short here. There are so many more things that I have learned, and it is amazing to look back and see how much my heart has changed over this period of only three months. It is even more amazing to imagine what God could do during the remaining 3 ½ years of school.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. – Ephesians 6:19-20

A Story of Submission and God's Leading: Part I

Inside the Mind:

I remember last year at this time being torn between colleges (DePaul & Olivet) and unsure about my future in school. Finances were a mess, I was expecting to take out several loans, and it was the first time in my life that I felt completely lost. At one point I remember just sitting down and staring at both college applications for several hours, begging God to show me the way. It was quite a humbling experience.

Soon after the applications were sent in, I started receiving acceptance letters and scholarship offers. The first offer came from Olivet and included a sizable scholarship. I was overjoyed at the prospect of keeping my loans to a minimum while going to a Christian school. This had to have been a sure sign from God – I would be in a Christian environment where I could grow in my faith and receive a Christ-centered education. At that point, I decided to wait until I received DePaul’s offer before making my final decision, but fully expected to turn DePaul down.

It was almost a month after getting Olivet’s offer that I got DePaul’s scholarship offer
(along with some very generous financial help from my grandpa), which was large enough to eliminate the need for a loan altogether. As you can imagine, this was quite a shock. Surely, this must be a sign from God – I would be in a harsh liberal environment where I would have to continually defend my faith and would have many opportunities to share Christ with others. In addition, I would be loan-free throughout school. Almost immediately, I made my decision for DePaul and sent in my acceptance letter.

Several days after accepting DePaul and mailing Olivet my letter of declination, Olivet called me and offered to match DePaul’s scholarship offer. If you can imagine being in a cave when the tour guide turns off all the lights and you are left in utter darkness – that is what it felt like. I was very confused. After praying for months and months, God removed the money incentive completely and made the decision a matter of the heart. Would the next four years of my life be focused on missions or ministry? Where do I need the most growth? Money was out of the picture.

After spending a week in prayer about the decision, I decided to choose the path of most resistance at DePaul. I believed that I would be much more receptive to God’s leading when I am uncomfortable and outside of my comfort zone. I knew that I would have to be on my guard at all times, watching what I am taught and how I conform to those around me. I would have to force myself to take advantage of every opportunity I am given to reach someone for Christ. Missions was something I was terrified about, but here I was about to endeavor into a four-year missions trip. Whenever you are ready God, just lead the way.

What I originally planned to be a one-entry summary of my first quarter turned into something much larger. The day is dwindling away and I have several things that I need to attend to before I retire for the evening, so I will continue my story at a later date.

Prayer Requests:

That I would not let the fire of Christ in my heart die away now that I am out of school and back to the old grind at work.

Verse of the Week:

The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. – Psalm 119:130

Hope to the Hopeless II

Inside the Mind:

Well, the last day of school went off without a hitch. Apparently, the meeting with James (the person I was talking about in my last post) was not meant to be, as he was not in his normal spot. I can only pray that he recovered well from his doctor’s visit and was not absent due to sickness. He is in God’s hands and there is nothing I can do about it. As a friend reminded me earlier, it is not my place to change hearts – only God can accomplish that.

Ever since our missions trip to Minneapolis, I have had an increased awareness of those who are in a tight financial spot or without a home. Now that I am going to school in Chicago, I see, on a daily basis, an incredible amount of people who are in those kinds of situations. I have often pondered about what can be done for them. Because I am a student, I have very little resources to give them. I might be able to help individuals on a day-to-day basis, but I do not have enough income to give to everybody. Even if I did give them some money, it would only help them for a few days and would not help them in the long run. I could build a relationship with them on an individual basis, as with James. Although this may work with certain individuals, most of the time they do not stay in the same place long enough to build a relationship. What then could be done?

As I ponder these things, several other similar situations come to mind. How does one deal with abortion, homosexuality, and the spread of evolutionary ‘science’? There are so many things that can be changed … so many things that can be done… and yet I am only a single human being. And a lowly one at that. But that is why we are part of the body of Christ. Each of us have our own unique function and passion in the body. We are constantly being molded and made into that perfect shape that serves a perfect function. Although we start as a big blob of gunk, once we let Him begin working on us, He will not stop until we fit that shape perfectly. What a comfort that is to know.

I am still only in the blob of gunk stage, but who knows… maybe the poor will be one of my passions. Or else, maybe my passion will be something completely different. Whatever it may be, until my shape has become more clearly defined, the only thing I can do is take each situation that God throws my way and use it to glorify His name. I am sure it is just part of the molding process.

… being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6

I hope to write a summary of my first quarter of school soon. First, I have to worry about our play this weekend.

Hope to the Hopeless

Inside the Mind:

This post is slightly different from my other posts, but I believe it to be important due to some recent circumstances. I have been in a swirl of spiritual warfare as so many things are going on in my life at once. Over the course of this week, I might post more than once.

Just outside of Union Station, there is an older gentleman who usually stands on the street corner and sells peanuts or asks for money. The first half of the quarter, I usually ignored him or gave him some spare change every now and then. (I pass by at least five people every day who ask for money.) Recently, I have been stopping to talk to him and pray for him, every time I see him. He is in his 60s, homeless, and suffering from blood clots throughout his body. He often tells me of the treatment he is going though and how he does not know how long he will live. Tuesday, when I stopped by, he did not look very well and was going to be going to the hospital as soon as we were done talking. He told me that he would have gone earlier but he wanted to wait until I stopped by and talked with him before he left. When I heard this, tears came to my eyes. Here was someone at the end of his rope, with no hope left and just waiting for his end. He constantly told me that he wished the Lord would take him soon. To see a sparkle of hope in his eyes when I talked and prayed with him, encouraged me to no end.

What troubles me the most about the situation, is his lack of hope. His hope in man has failed – he has been rejected and reduced to a beggar. His hope in life has failed – he believes the blood clots have finally caught up with him and it is only a matter of time. His hope in Christ has failed – he seems to think of God as a distant being who has a will for his life but does not really care about him. His only hope is that of the very few people that stop to talk to him while begging. I have tried to talk to him about God, but he does not fully embrace what I have to say. We decided to talk (Lord willing) over lunch on Thursday, which is my last day of school. I want to make sure he knows about the hope in Christ, before I leave him.

During my first month of school, it was my dream and prayer to be able to sit down with a homeless person and share Christ with him. I eventually gave up on the idea and left it alone. What an amazing surprise it was to me when I realized God has given me this very opportunity on the last day of class for the year. This is one opportunity I will not let slip by. God truly does answer prayers.

Prayer Requests:

That this opportunity will not be thwarted, that He will give me the words to say, and that the man’s heart would be opened and willing to hear.

Verse of the Week:

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. – Psalm 62:5

A Tale of Suffering

Inside the Mind:

It has been an extremely busy week. Besides schoolwork starting to pick up as we close out our first quarter, I have been busy with a play we will be performing next weekend and a vow renewal ceremony (for lack of a better name) for some friends in a couple weeks. In addition to the busyness, I have felt a strong dose of suffering, especially over the past several days. My daily devotions have dealt with suffering, the book that I am reading (Letters to Malcom: Chiefly on Prayer, C.S. Lewis) has dealt with suffering, and several close friends are amidst their own suffering. A coincidence? I think not.

One might wonder, “How can a loving God allow suffering amidst His people?” While there are many theological answers to this question, I will focus on the particular portion that I have contemplated on over the past week. Something that caught my attention and even brought tears to my eyes as I was reading Lewis was the fact that Jesus stretched the word suffering to its very limits.

First he prayed to have this suffering taken away from Him in the garden. This was not granted. He then turned to the support of His friends. They were asleep. Then he falls to the Church. Denied. He is put in front of the government. Turned down. His last hope was the people. Utterly rejected. When He turns to His own Father in Heaven after all else had failed, God says, “Why have you forsaken me?”

See how similar Christ’s suffering is that to our own? When every last door of hope slams shut and you are left alone in the dark, all that you have left is our Father in Heaven. Only this time, the penalty has already been paid and God is ready to poor out His grace into your life.

It has been amazing to see the changed lives of those close to me that are suffering. Their brilliant passion for Christ has inspired and encouraged me to no end. Like a stop sign, suffering forces you to stop and look around. Why am I here? Who am I depending on? What are my priorities? How is God using this situation? What is God trying to teach me? What is God trying to teach you?

In the book of Psalms, David says this:

How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

Whatever suffering you may endure, hold fast and trust fully in God’s grace. He will never abandon you.

Prayer Requests:

That I too, may hold fast and endure.

Verse of the Week:

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:29-31