Paroikeo

Enthusiasm for the King

2006-05-27T21:55:00.000-05:00

Inside the Mind:

As we seek to find out why, with such millions of Christians, the real army of God that is fighting the hosts of darkness is so small, the only answer is – lack of heart. The enthusiasm of the kingdom is missing. And that is because there is so little enthusiasm for the King. – Andrew Murray in Key to the Missionary Problem

I came across this statement and believe it to be so true in the lives of Christians today. Why is it so hard to fight for joy in Christ? Why is it so hard to share the gospel with my friends? Why is it so hard to feel enthusiastic about missions? Why is it so hard to be on the front lines in God’s army? Sometimes I find myself waiting and waiting for some sort of a spark that will get me going or a light to turn on in my head that will show me what to do. Over the past year, I have learned life is not just about sparks or lights but about knowing our King. Oftentimes we find ourselves losing enthusiasm for the battle because we have lost sight of our King. We begin to feel we are on our own. We do not see an end so we settle down and make ourselves comfortable with what we have around us. We cease to exist as sojourners and become settlers. After we become comfortable, we trick ourselves into thinking there is no real battle going on and try living our own lives apart from the battle. We then wonder what has happened to our zeal for Christ.

I have learned that a deep knowledge of God is extremely vital in my relationship with Him. I must know of His faithfulness and grace so that I am empowered. I must know of His sacrificial gift so I feel redeemed. I must accept His hope so I can see the end. Not only is it vital to know these things, but it is vital to be continually drenched by them – they need to be continually at the forefront of our mind. We may know of God’s faithfulness, but, when the battle arrives at our doorstep, the only thing that will keep us from cowering in the corner is the truth of God’s faithfulness at the forefront of our minds. Furthermore, we will only remove ourselves from our settlements when God’s empowering grace is so ingrained in our mind that we trust completely in His provision and protection during the battle and actually act on our faith and knowledge without even thinking about it.

In order to have God’s truths ingrained in our minds and in order to know Him better, we must study God’s word regularly and memorize it continually. Until recently, I was of the mind that studying the Bible was sufficient enough to renew my mind. Now, I have seen the power of memorization and have committed to memorizing the whole chapter of Matthew 6 followed by many other chapters as a part of my quiet time. I hope and pray that many will see this same importance and join me in my goal of Bible memorization. In John Piper’s book When I Don’t Desire God, he quotes Dallas Willard:

Bible memorization is absolutely fundamental to spiritual formation. If I had to choose between all the disciplines of the spiritual life, I would choose Bible memorization, because it is a fundamental way of filling our mind with what it needs. This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth. That’s where you need it! How does it get in your mouth? Memorization.

Once we have the Word of God in our mind and on our lips by studying and memorization, we will not be satisfied with the pitiful comforts of our surroundings, but will look with joy to Christ and all he has to offer us. We will not settle down but continue to actively participate on the front lines in God’s army. Our joy in Christ will overflow into a passion for missions as we seek to spread that same joy we have. We will be enthusiastic for the Kingdom because our knowledge of the King will be ingrained into our minds and will become a part of how we live. It all comes down to how much we know our God.

Refined Glory

2006-05-02T19:53:00.000-05:00

Inside the Mind:

He sat by the fire of seven-fold heat,
As He watched by the precious ore.
And closer He bent with a searching gaze
As He heated it more and more.
He knew He had ore that could stand the test
And He wanted the finest gold,
To mold as a crown for the King to wear,
Set with gems of price untold.
So He laid our gold in the burning fire,
Though we fain would have said Him, "Nay."
And He watched the dross that we had not seen,
As it melted and passed away.
And the gold grew brighter, and yet more bright
And our eyes were so dim with tears,
As we saw the fire, not the Master's hand,
And questioned with anxious fear.
Yet our gold shone out with a richer glow,
As it mirrored a Form above,
That bent o'er the fire, though unseen by us
With a look of infinite love.
Can we think that it pleases His loving heart
To cause a moment of pain?
Ah, no, but He saw through the present cross
The bliss of eternal gain.
So He waited there with a watchful eye,
With a love that is strong and sure,
And His gold did not suffer a bit more heat
Than was needed to make it pure!

- Author Unknown

I have heard this gold analogy of the Christian life many times but am still amazed and encouraged every time it pops up in my reading. We might be happy and content just making it through life as a lump of rock, but we often forget that God has called us to a higher purpose – one that requires not a lump of rock, but a unit of pure, refined gold. When we are buried under the discouragement of trials, the fears of the unknown arise in our hearts and we are lured into doubting the sovereign plan of God. All we can see is the fire melting us away. We begin to wonder: How could this be in God’s plan? It doesn’t make sense! I don’t see how this could further His kingdom! It’s not right!

Although all we could see is the fire, we must remember that our God is a loving God and has a plan for us far beyond what we could ever imagine. It does not please Him to see us struggle through trials, but the trials must take place in order to refine us and mold us into His likeness. Nothing… and I mean absolutely nothing takes place in our lives without His sovereign hand guiding us. As the last couple lines say, His gold will not suffer a bit more heat than is needed to make it pure.

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
- 2 Corinthians 3:18

For or In God?

2006-03-25T21:10:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:

I just recently read a devotional by John Fischer that discussed the contrast of doing things for God and doing things in God. This devotional caught my attention immediately because this was something I have been struggling with for a while. I find it easy to give money to a homeless person, help out with the computers at church, volunteer in a food and clothing pantry, or help someone load a U-Haul. While these are all wonderful things to do, sometimes I feel that I am being lured into believing they are the only things I need to do as a Christian. All of these things I am doing for God, but I am doing them on my own strength and not God’s strength. When I help out with the computers at church, I am in control of what happens. Because of my past experience with computers, I could find a solution to most computer problems on my own – I don’t normally ask God for strength while I install a word processor. Sure, I sacrifice my valuable time, but I feel good about using my gifts to do things for God. Therein lies the trap. I could fill all my available time with doing things for God on my own strength and feel good about myself as a Christian, but I would not grow spiritually a single inch. I believe that doing things in God is what forces us to grow spiritually. Only when we loosen our iron grip of control on the situations we encounter, will God actually appear larger in our lives.

As I look back over my life, every spiritual milestone that I could remember was a result from a leap out of my comfort zone, an unexpected experience, an uncomfortable experience, or a time of complete helplessness and vulnerability. Not one single milestone was reached as a result of just doing my thing. Only when your strength is completely exhausted, is God’s strength seen in abundance. Only when times appear hopeless, is God’s love seen as perfect. Only when life gets out of our control, is God’s sovereignty displayed at its best. Instead of only doing things for God in our own strength, we should be doing things for God and in God. I believe that living a life that is radically in Christ would entail feeling uncomfortable, vulnerable, weak, and insignificant, but in reality, we couldn’t be any safer.

Excerpt from "In Me" by Casting Crowns:

If you ask me to leap
Out of my boat on the crashing waves
If you ask me to go
Preach to a lost world that Jesus saves

I'll go, but I cannot go alone
Cause I know I'm nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

Cause when I'm weak - You make me strong
When I'm blind - You shine your light on me
Cause I'll never get by
living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that You want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me

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2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Midnight Stroll and a Satisfied Soul

2006-02-13T19:45:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:

On Thursday nights, I usually don’t get to the Lisle train station until very late because of my IV Bible study. When I finally do arrive, it is usually dead quiet and very dark because of the lack of street lights. (You don’t realize how loud and distraction-filled life really is until you take the time to be somewhere that’s dead quiet.) I usually walk the long way to my car and spend the time praying and meditating. During my walk last Thursday, I remember just being hit with a sense of overwhelming satisfaction in Christ. It was a tough week, but at that point in time I realized the grace of God that pulled me through the week, the blessings in my life, and a satisfying knowledge that He will pull through for me in the future. I felt that all is well and all will be well. No worries.

As I read Psalm 63 (posted below) today, I remembered that walk and wondered why I couldn’t feel that way all the time. Why is it that when I get back to the grind of school, work, and life in general, all the worries come crashing back down on me? No matter what God seems to do in my life, I just keep on worrying.

I noticed in verse 8, David mentions the word ‘cling’. The word used in the Hebrew means to stick to, stay close, and follow closely. This is most likely my problem. I may hang on every now and then when I’m in trouble or the time is right, but on any typical hour of the day, I am thinking about the fun I’ll have later that day or on the weekend, the food I’ll be eating, or just plain ol’ daydreaming. I’m not really ‘clinging’ to God. I’m not meditating on His word enough throughout the day, I do not rejoice in his protection, and I do not praise Him nearly enough. How can I find satisfaction in His name if I am too busy trying to find satisfaction in this world?

Psalm 63:
1 O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory.

3 Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You. 4 So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. 5 My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips. 6 When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches,

7 For You have been my help, And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy. 8 My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me. 9 But those who seek my life to destroy it, Will go into the depths of the earth. 10 They will be delivered over to the power of the sword; They will be a prey for foxes. 11 But the king will rejoice in God; Everyone who swears by Him will glory, For the mouths of those who speak lies will be stopped.

Random Confrontations

2006-02-11T00:04:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:

Well, it has been a while since I posted last. It is an unbelievable relief to get through midterm week. Talk about a stressful week.

Being that conversing with people is one of my glaring weaknesses, that is one of the lessons God has been teaching me this past week. Relating with others who drive me nuts, believe the opposite of everything I believe, and push me out of my comfort zone.

I’m sure many of you know some weird computer geeks – I might even be one of them. I’ve had the chance to get to know several of them in my database class, but one in particular seems to push my button more than not. He’s the type that I could easily give up as a hopeless cause for Christ. Any type of encouragement or homework help I give him, he finds a way to turn it into complaining and whining. During the week, as I thought about him, I started to realize what a whiner and complainer I was as well. Most of my time in prayer was spent whining about my life’s situations and what a terrible week I was having. I also began to realize that the whining in my life as well as the looking down of the whining in other’s lives was starting to grow into a barrier between me and God. The many situations I used to have in talking about Christ were growing few and far between. It reminded me of a passage in C.S. Lewis’ book The Great Divorce. One of the travelers from the dead world was talking to one of the angelic giants – well more like whining and complaining anyway. He(or she, I don’t remember) was rattling off continuously about how mistreated he was and how everything was unfair. Slowly he began to shrink. As he shrunk, his voice continued to get smaller and smaller until finally he disappeared altogether. Compared to Christ’s suffering on the cross for all of our sins, we have nothing to compare with it, no matter what we go through. Rather than complaining about it, we should be learning from it.

In addition, no one should be considered a lost cause for Christ. Even though this person may drive me up the wall sometimes, my mission is still the same. Christ’s love can have an amazing effect on people like this as well. In our InterVarsity Bible Study, we are going through the book of Acts and learning more about Paul. Anytime I think of an impossible person, I think of Paul’s conversion. He went from one of the most feared persecutors, to one of the leading leaders in the body of Christ. What an amazing story! If God can change Paul’s life, than surely He can change anybody’s life. It is not our job to give up on someone.

On Thursday, I had to turn in my rough draft for my English paper. As soon as we got there our teacher told us we can leave after we turned in our papers and anyone that wanted help on their paper could stay and talk with her during the rest of the class period. I had a couple questions and I had nothing else to do for the next hour so I decided to stay. Now you have to understand that my English teacher is an Athiest, pro-choice, pro gay-rights, and opposite of about everything else I believe. Not the person I would typically get into a conversation with. Anyway, we started talking about my paper and then moved on to several other topics and somehow ended up talking about the Bible (I don’t remember how we got there). It turns out she knows more about the Bible than many Christians I have met. We talked for about an hour (nothing really deep or spiritual). I just thought it was so cool that God opened up a door for me to talk about the Bible with someone I least expected to.

On to another subject. Also on Thursday, I stopped into a LIFT large group meeting (another Christian group on campus) after my small group IV Bible study. The room was absolutely packed and I was amazed at the passion that filled the group as we worshipped through song. It was extremely encouraging to see another large group of Christians that attended DePaul. After visiting their large group meeting and talking with several of the student leaders, I was even more convinced of the need for some sort of unity among the groups. If I can be encouraged that much by being with another Christian group, I can only imagine what it would be like for everyone else. We have four Christian groups on campus, but I feel like we are divided. Something to pray about I guess.

I apologize for the disorganized and random thoughts but I’m a little scatter-brained tonight and just typed what came to mind.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect.
– 1 Corinthians 15:10

Union Void

2006-01-26T23:15:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:
I saw my man James again on Tuesday after not seeing him for at least a week. He had just gotten out of the hospital again – this time surgery on his intestine. This was the worst shape I had ever seen him in. When I started talking with him, it sounded almost as if he was crying. He then told me that as of Thursday he will be staying in a Salvation Army house for four months before being transferred to a YMCA housing program. The problem was that he felt extremely sick after his surgery and still had two more nights out on the streets. We went into Potbelly’s for about a half hour and I was able to pray with him about his health and provision for the next two days and gave him some words of encouragement. Sure enough, before I even left, God provided the money needed for the first night in a hotel. The next day, I stopped and talked with him again and found that God provided again for the second night – and even some extra. When I saw him that second day, his eyes were filled with tears of hope and happiness instead of hopelessness and despair. This was the most jumpy and happy I had ever seen him. I was amazed when he reminded me that we prayed for health and provision the day before and God provided the needed money along with comfort for his body. He was genuinely praising and thanking God. Another prayer answered, another hopeless man filled with hope, another discouraged soul encouraged, another day closer to the end of the beginning. Praise God!

Over the week, I was struggling with the seemingly hopeless position a Christian can be in aside from the hope of Heaven. What can you do when everything seems to screech to a halt in your life? As I saw in James’ life, there is no such thing as a hopeless life on earth as a Christian. He doesn’t just keep you around on earth for no reason. He will pull through in some way – when the time is right and when His name is most glorified. James was able to see God work visibly in his own life, but I saw Him work in my life through this situation as well.

It is so painful to walk by so many homeless people on a regular basis, but it is an encouragement to know that there is one less now than before. Just another testament that God is alive and active around us. He desires to battle by our sides each day, if we would only let Him.

Verse:
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Elijah was a man of just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops. - James 5:16-1

Grounded Hope

2006-01-18T18:18:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:
I was on my way home from school one day last week and was surprised to see my old friend James standing on the street corner. (You might recall one of my entries for November talking about him. He is the older homeless gentleman who often stands nearby union station.) The last time I had seen him was in November on my second to last day of the school quarter. He felt extremely sick, and was about to go to the hospital as soon as I was able to talk with him that day. Before that time, I often prayed with him and he seemed open to talking about God, but I was never able to establish if he was truly a Christian. I had planned to make sure of it the next day (my last day of school) over lunch with him because I was in a hurry to catch my train. As it turned out, he was not there the next day and I did not see him again until last week. After not seeing him that next day, I kicked myself several times for not doing it when I had the chance. At that point, I left it in God’s hands and trusted that my relationship with Him would not be in vain.

You can imagine my surprise when, after not seeing him for several months, he suddenly was back in his old spot as if nothing ever happened. After talking with him for a while, I was able to change the subject to his assurance in Christ. I was overjoyed as I listened to his testimony and how he truly accepted Christ as his Savior. After he was finished, something started nagging me. He mentioned several times over the months how sometimes he just hoped the Lord would take him. He felt tired of scrounging his way through the final years of his life. This brought me to a question: What hope is there in life besides heaven if you have absolutely nothing on earth and your time is running low?

Just imagine: You are nearing your 70s. You have no relatives, home, food, job, money, or friends. You are constantly in and out of the hospital. You spend all your time panhandling, just so you can get into a cheap hotel to get out of the evening cold. You can never get into the local Christian homeless program because the line is always tremendously long and they run out of room. The few times you do get in, you are scared away because of the fights and drug dealing that goes on there. You are a Christian. What do you do? Where does your hope lie?

The more I think about it, the more discouraged I get. How can I encourage and help someone in this state? This is something I have been thinking and praying about for a while. I just do not know too many Christians that are in this kind of position. Maybe there is a reason behind it?

Whatever the answer to these questions may be, I believe the hope that is found in the answers is vital to our lives as Christians. Our hope should not be grounded in a hope that can be shaken by loss of home or money, but in a hope that is founded on the immovable solid foundation of Christ alone.

Into the book of Job I go.

Prayer Requests:
That God make His presence known to James and that he will be encouraged.
That God will shed some light on this situation and help me to understand His ways in the matter.

Verse of the Week:
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. – Psalm 62:5-6

A New Chapter Begins

2006-01-01T22:12:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:
Ah… Another year reaches its close. A year which had its share of experiences that I will never forget right along with its share of stupid mistakes that I wish I could forget. I guess the best thing you can do is cherish and praise God for the good memories and learn from the bad ones. It reminds me of a quote by Jim Elliot that I actually posted a while back:

“The past is gone, and I am glad, both for its going and for the way it went. God has led in, through, and out, by the best route possible, we may believe. I am particularly conscious of the Christian’s right to expect events to be exactly for good. ‘As for God, His way is perfect.’ ”

His way is perfect and I am sure the events that have happened to me over the past year were just the things I needed, or will need in the future, to best glorify His name. He knows me more than anyone – including myself. The hardest part of it all is trusting in his plan. It’s hard to not try and take the steering wheel back when you haven’t the slightest clue where you are going. At least when you are at the wheel you have a general idea of where you are going – or so you think. The mind-boggling question is why would you even have the slightest ounce of doubt in God’s plan when He has never let you down in the past? I can recount bunches of times when I witnessed God at work and just sat there in awe, confirming God’s omnipotence and grace in my life. Despite these past events, I still find myself doubting God’s wisdom in favor of the world’s. I cringe every time I read Jesus’ words “O ye of little faith”, picturing myself in the shoes of the recipient of those words. I have plenty of work left in separating myself from the world’s enticing call and focusing on the oh-so-familiar voice of the Good Shepherd.

Well, with the new year comes a new quarter at DePaul. I start up again on the 3^rd and am actually a little excited to go back. It was amazing what God was able to teach me in only 11 weeks during my first quarter and I’m looking forward to what I will learn over the next 11 weeks. DePaul has one professor who is not on their payroll.

I would like to ramble on a little longer but I am especially worn out from the past couple of days and just need to go to bed.

Prayer Requests:
That I will be ready for every opportunity God gives me to build relationships in the classroom that will open the doors of their hearts for Christ. Most people are creatures of habit and where they sit the first week of class is usually where they sit everyday for the rest of the quarter. I’m sure God will place me where He wants me.

Verse of the Week:
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. – Proverbs 16:9

Amuck Without a Vision

2005-12-19T23:09:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:
Thank you all for your comments on my last entry. Those words are more encouraging than you might think. I find it very easy to become ensnared and discouraged by my own seemingly useless position. I am only a brush of paint on an overwhelmingly large painting; how can I tell what the big picture looks like? The only one who knows that would be the one who created the painting in the first place. He is able to see how each individual, tiny stroke adds the needed effect to make the painting complete. And what a wonderful painting it is.

I remember a discussion we had in a college Bible study last summer on the topic of discovering God’s will for your life. One of the points that was made on this topic, related to developing a vision for your future. With a specific vision in your mind (Christ centered of course), many seemingly difficult decisions in life can be made easier by looking at how this decision will affect your vision. Once you have a vision to help clear away the fog, it is much easier to tell whether you are walking in the right direction or not. Sounds fine and dandy, doesn’t it? Much easier said than done. I have met and read about so many people that knew the general direction where God was leading them. It starts from a concern or passion and slowly grows into a vision. My problem is that I have been shaken around so much over the past six months that I don’t know what to think about my passions anymore. I don’t know my place in His kingdom and sometimes wonder if I’ll ever be able to develop a vision. I feel like one of the three blind mice.

Throughout this struggle, I have to constantly remind myself of God’s sovereignty. He cares for the birds of the air and clothes the lilies of the fields – why should I be worrying about my future when I am in my Savior’s arms? He would not let me suffer needlessly. I must trust that I am being mixed up for a reason unbeknownst to me now, but one that will uncover itself in His perfect timing. There are lessons yet to be learned in my life. I am here to glorify Christ – not to get comfortable in the back seat with the cruise control activated.

While a little off topic – yet somewhat related, I recall a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that fits my thoughts exactly right now:

How could I stand here
And watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains
Where they touch the sky
Ponder the vastness
And the depths of the sea
And think for a moment
The point of it all was to make much of me
'Cause I'm just a whisper
And You are the thunder and...

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

And how can I kneel here
And think of the cross
The thorns and the whip and the nails and the spear
The infinite cost
To purchase my pardon
And bear all my shame
To think I have anything worth boasting in
Except Your name
'Cause I'm a sinner
And You are the Savior and...

Verse of the Week:
Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. – Psalm 40:5

Impatience and Hope for the Future

2005-12-03T14:20:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:
I was talking with Anon and My Fair Lady last night on the topic of how God is working in our generation of friends and family. It is such an exciting thing to see God visibly work through situations in the lives of people who are close to us, resulting in a large impact for the kingdom. I praise God and rejoice for what He is doing in their lives, and yet I feel a hint of despair at my own seemingly small usefulness in His kingdom. It’s as if I am sitting on the sideline of the biggest championship game in history as the rest of my team marches on to victory. When will the coach put me in? When will I be able to use my God-given gifts to their fullest extent and aid in the advancement of His kingdom? How long will I be kept in the dark - away from the plans He has for my life?

These questions I find myself asking more and more as time zips by, never to be seen again. My time on earth is short, but I want to spend that time effectively for His glory. Oh, how I long for Him to use me! Amidst my impatience, I often overlook the fact that He needs to mold me into that perfect puzzle shape before I will fit into the puzzle. I cannot fit into the puzzle as I am. I must be patient and allow perseverance to finish its work in me. He has given me many responsibilities and relationships that He will use to continue to mold me and make me, until the time has come. My future is in the dark, but I have His faithfulness and grace to look on in my past, which will allow me to hope for the work He will do in my future.

I am currently reading the book, Shadow of the Almighty, which is biography on Jim Elliot. It is inspiring to read of someone who was so passionate for Christ and so heaven-minded in his purpose for life that his every action was used to further Christ’s kingdom. Reading this book, I can identify with many of his thoughts early on in his life. According to his diaries, Jim felt the very way I am feeling right now for most of his life. As I continued to read through his life, I saw circumstance after circumstance that God through at him to prepare him for God’s future work. This encourages me of the truth that God continues to work in our lives even if we do feel helpless. During this time, it is our duty to make the most of every single opportunity, whether it be small or large, and passionately use that opportunity for His glory, no matter the result that will occur. When we are ready in His eyes and the time has arrived, He will make the move to put us in the game.

The following is a quote by Jim Elliot that I found to be exceedingly inspiring:

I made plenty of stupid mistakes in the past that has furthered me from God’s presence, and I am not pleased with how far away I am away from His presence at this time. Thankfully, God is faithful, graceful, and forgiving. Even at my distance, He longs to guide me closer to His presence. The mistakes that occurred in my past, I cannot help but think they were done for a reason. I am still feeling the effects of these mistakes and am continually learning from them. God knows my life more than I do, and I trust that He is guiding me by the best route possible to overcome my hardness of heart, so that I might become usable for His glory. His ways are perfect.

Prayer Requests:
That I would be patient and enduring until the time He has for me. That I would not be discouraged due to lack of opportunities since I began working full time over winter break.

Verse of the Week:
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. – Psalm 40:1-3

A Story of Submission and God's Leading: Part II

2005-11-27T18:25:00.000-06:00

Picking up from where I left off last entry, I had finally made my college decision. This, of course, was not just a college decision, but a decision that would affect the next four years of my life. I realized that by choosing DePaul I would face many difficulties: having a long, daily commute, a lot of walking, spending time in the unfamiliar Chicago Loop, meeting a wide variety of people every day, being in a very liberal and anti-Christian college environment, being surrounded by the hustle and bustle of life in Chicago, and many more things. These difficulties I embraced as only obstacles – and ones that I could overcome easily with God at my side. I prayed that God would use these obstacles to mold me and train me for His future work.

One of the first important lessons that was brought to my attention was the importance of preparing my heart for the day ahead. Because of my long commute, I have a large amount of downtime in the morning. At the beginning of the school year, I usually spent this time reading. One of these books, a biography on George Mueller, stressed the importance of meditating on God’s word and preparing your heart in the morning. This book led to a change in my habits and I began to use this time to study and meditate on His Word. How can you glorify God throughout the day, if your soul is not in a ‘happy state’ with Him? How can you learn from God’s lessons if your mind is already racing ahead to the day’s activities and completely throwing aside the sovereignty of God? We are all humans here and need constant reminders that life is not all about us. By reading and meditating on scripture before the day’s activities (not just praying or typical ‘reading’, but actual applicable meditation and studying), I have found myself to be well prepared for the day’s situations; more so than I have ever experienced before. My morning commute has provided for some of my most productive Bible study and prayer sessions.

The second lesson I learned, and one that I am still learning, was that of boldness. I quickly had the opportunity to set myself apart from the typical freshman. Starting from the very first day of our immersion week, there were stories of parties and half the class was hung-over. I found it hard to hold a conversation when all they talked about was how they got drunk last night. Still, every opportunity I had, I made it known that I was a Christian. This opened the door for several conversations about Christ with non-Christian friends that were in my classes. Nothing overly spectacular, but I must start somewhere. Coming into school, one of my weaknesses was avoiding any situation that required me to make a stand for Christianity. I believe this is one thing that needs to change before I can be of any use to Him.

I had the wonderful opportunity of becoming involved with the InterVarsity group at DePaul and am encouraged at the direction they are headed. Their emphasis is on weekly small group meetings at different times on different days with two large group meetings each quarter. We also have many different activities throughout the quarter. It has been amazing to see God work in my own small group this past quarter. The group has grown tremendously and many heart-changing topics were brought up that you could tell many of the students had a passion for. For the large group meetings, I have had the opportunity to help lead worship with my guitar. It will be exciting to see how God continues to work throughout the rest of the school year.

For the sake of brevity, I will cut this entry short here. There are so many more things that I have learned, and it is amazing to look back and see how much my heart has changed over this period of only three months. It is even more amazing to imagine what God could do during the remaining 3 ½ years of school.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. – Ephesians 6:19-20

A Story of Submission and God's Leading: Part I

2005-11-21T21:19:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:

I remember last year at this time being torn between colleges (DePaul & Olivet) and unsure about my future in school. Finances were a mess, I was expecting to take out several loans, and it was the first time in my life that I felt completely lost. At one point I remember just sitting down and staring at both college applications for several hours, begging God to show me the way. It was quite a humbling experience.

Soon after the applications were sent in, I started receiving acceptance letters and scholarship offers. The first offer came from Olivet and included a sizable scholarship. I was overjoyed at the prospect of keeping my loans to a minimum while going to a Christian school. This had to have been a sure sign from God – I would be in a Christian environment where I could grow in my faith and receive a Christ-centered education. At that point, I decided to wait until I received DePaul’s offer before making my final decision, but fully expected to turn DePaul down.

It was almost a month after getting Olivet’s offer that I got DePaul’s scholarship offer
(along with some very generous financial help from my grandpa), which was large enough to eliminate the need for a loan altogether. As you can imagine, this was quite a shock. Surely, this must be a sign from God – I would be in a harsh liberal environment where I would have to continually defend my faith and would have many opportunities to share Christ with others. In addition, I would be loan-free throughout school. Almost immediately, I made my decision for DePaul and sent in my acceptance letter.

Several days after accepting DePaul and mailing Olivet my letter of declination, Olivet called me and offered to match DePaul’s scholarship offer. If you can imagine being in a cave when the tour guide turns off all the lights and you are left in utter darkness – that is what it felt like. I was very confused. After praying for months and months, God removed the money incentive completely and made the decision a matter of the heart. Would the next four years of my life be focused on missions or ministry? Where do I need the most growth? Money was out of the picture.

After spending a week in prayer about the decision, I decided to choose the path of most resistance at DePaul. I believed that I would be much more receptive to God’s leading when I am uncomfortable and outside of my comfort zone. I knew that I would have to be on my guard at all times, watching what I am taught and how I conform to those around me. I would have to force myself to take advantage of every opportunity I am given to reach someone for Christ. Missions was something I was terrified about, but here I was about to endeavor into a four-year missions trip. Whenever you are ready God, just lead the way.

What I originally planned to be a one-entry summary of my first quarter turned into something much larger. The day is dwindling away and I have several things that I need to attend to before I retire for the evening, so I will continue my story at a later date.

Prayer Requests:

That I would not let the fire of Christ in my heart die away now that I am out of school and back to the old grind at work.

Verse of the Week:

The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. – Psalm 119:130

Hope to the Hopeless II

2005-11-18T00:27:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:

Well, the last day of school went off without a hitch. Apparently, the meeting with James (the person I was talking about in my last post) was not meant to be, as he was not in his normal spot. I can only pray that he recovered well from his doctor’s visit and was not absent due to sickness. He is in God’s hands and there is nothing I can do about it. As a friend reminded me earlier, it is not my place to change hearts – only God can accomplish that.

Ever since our missions trip to Minneapolis, I have had an increased awareness of those who are in a tight financial spot or without a home. Now that I am going to school in Chicago, I see, on a daily basis, an incredible amount of people who are in those kinds of situations. I have often pondered about what can be done for them. Because I am a student, I have very little resources to give them. I might be able to help individuals on a day-to-day basis, but I do not have enough income to give to everybody. Even if I did give them some money, it would only help them for a few days and would not help them in the long run. I could build a relationship with them on an individual basis, as with James. Although this may work with certain individuals, most of the time they do not stay in the same place long enough to build a relationship. What then could be done?

As I ponder these things, several other similar situations come to mind. How does one deal with abortion, homosexuality, and the spread of evolutionary ‘science’? There are so many things that can be changed … so many things that can be done… and yet I am only a single human being. And a lowly one at that. But that is why we are part of the body of Christ. Each of us have our own unique function and passion in the body. We are constantly being molded and made into that perfect shape that serves a perfect function. Although we start as a big blob of gunk, once we let Him begin working on us, He will not stop until we fit that shape perfectly. What a comfort that is to know.

I am still only in the blob of gunk stage, but who knows… maybe the poor will be one of my passions. Or else, maybe my passion will be something completely different. Whatever it may be, until my shape has become more clearly defined, the only thing I can do is take each situation that God throws my way and use it to glorify His name. I am sure it is just part of the molding process.

… being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6

I hope to write a summary of my first quarter of school soon. First, I have to worry about our play this weekend.

Hope to the Hopeless

2005-11-16T00:46:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:

This post is slightly different from my other posts, but I believe it to be important due to some recent circumstances. I have been in a swirl of spiritual warfare as so many things are going on in my life at once. Over the course of this week, I might post more than once.

Just outside of Union Station, there is an older gentleman who usually stands on the street corner and sells peanuts or asks for money. The first half of the quarter, I usually ignored him or gave him some spare change every now and then. (I pass by at least five people every day who ask for money.) Recently, I have been stopping to talk to him and pray for him, every time I see him. He is in his 60s, homeless, and suffering from blood clots throughout his body. He often tells me of the treatment he is going though and how he does not know how long he will live. Tuesday, when I stopped by, he did not look very well and was going to be going to the hospital as soon as we were done talking. He told me that he would have gone earlier but he wanted to wait until I stopped by and talked with him before he left. When I heard this, tears came to my eyes. Here was someone at the end of his rope, with no hope left and just waiting for his end. He constantly told me that he wished the Lord would take him soon. To see a sparkle of hope in his eyes when I talked and prayed with him, encouraged me to no end.

What troubles me the most about the situation, is his lack of hope. His hope in man has failed – he has been rejected and reduced to a beggar. His hope in life has failed – he believes the blood clots have finally caught up with him and it is only a matter of time. His hope in Christ has failed – he seems to think of God as a distant being who has a will for his life but does not really care about him. His only hope is that of the very few people that stop to talk to him while begging. I have tried to talk to him about God, but he does not fully embrace what I have to say. We decided to talk (Lord willing) over lunch on Thursday, which is my last day of school. I want to make sure he knows about the hope in Christ, before I leave him.

During my first month of school, it was my dream and prayer to be able to sit down with a homeless person and share Christ with him. I eventually gave up on the idea and left it alone. What an amazing surprise it was to me when I realized God has given me this very opportunity on the last day of class for the year. This is one opportunity I will not let slip by. God truly does answer prayers.

Prayer Requests:

That this opportunity will not be thwarted, that He will give me the words to say, and that the man’s heart would be opened and willing to hear.

Verse of the Week:

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. – Psalm 62:5

A Tale of Suffering

2005-11-08T19:01:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:

It has been an extremely busy week. Besides schoolwork starting to pick up as we close out our first quarter, I have been busy with a play we will be performing next weekend and a vow renewal ceremony (for lack of a better name) for some friends in a couple weeks. In addition to the busyness, I have felt a strong dose of suffering, especially over the past several days. My daily devotions have dealt with suffering, the book that I am reading (Letters to Malcom: Chiefly on Prayer, C.S. Lewis) has dealt with suffering, and several close friends are amidst their own suffering. A coincidence? I think not.

One might wonder, “How can a loving God allow suffering amidst His people?” While there are many theological answers to this question, I will focus on the particular portion that I have contemplated on over the past week. Something that caught my attention and even brought tears to my eyes as I was reading Lewis was the fact that Jesus stretched the word suffering to its very limits.

First he prayed to have this suffering taken away from Him in the garden. This was not granted. He then turned to the support of His friends. They were asleep. Then he falls to the Church. Denied. He is put in front of the government. Turned down. His last hope was the people. Utterly rejected. When He turns to His own Father in Heaven after all else had failed, God says, “Why have you forsaken me?”

See how similar Christ’s suffering is that to our own? When every last door of hope slams shut and you are left alone in the dark, all that you have left is our Father in Heaven. Only this time, the penalty has already been paid and God is ready to poor out His grace into your life.

It has been amazing to see the changed lives of those close to me that are suffering. Their brilliant passion for Christ has inspired and encouraged me to no end. Like a stop sign, suffering forces you to stop and look around. Why am I here? Who am I depending on? What are my priorities? How is God using this situation? What is God trying to teach me? What is God trying to teach you?

In the book of Psalms, David says this:

How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

Whatever suffering you may endure, hold fast and trust fully in God’s grace. He will never abandon you.

Prayer Requests:

That I too, may hold fast and endure.

Verse of the Week:

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:29-31

The Prevailen of Justice

2005-10-31T21:21:00.000-06:00

Inside the Mind:

Before microeconomics class this morning, I was sitting out in a lobby looking over my notes from the last class when another student from the class sat down across from me and started eating his breakfast. After a while we started talking about the difficulty of the class(as it is a very difficult class) and how much work was needed to avoid flunking. This soon turned into him talking about a business he co-owned in Belize (a small country south of Mexico). It was a large dvd business that took dvds from the U.S. and mass-produced them to sell in his country. Because the police do not care about copyright laws in this country, they make a ton of money doing this. He was telling me how every now and then he would receive a bunch of money from the business even though he was not doing anything. He even told me a couple stories about how several people tried to tell the police and was just laughed at.

The conversation was eventually cut short because we needed to get to class, but it got me thinking about justice. How can a just God let someone sit on his behind doing nothing while still making tons of money from his business that sells illegal copies of dvds and porn videos in another country and on EBay? This question reminded me of the book of Habakkuk. Habakkuk sees Israel being threatened by the growing power of the evil and immoral Chaldeans and even sees Israel tearing itself apart in their own evil ways. He brings these problems to the Lord and the Lord answers in chapter 2 verse 2: For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

There will be a time when the sinful are brought to their knees in humbleness, and yet it would be too late for them. Until that time, God still has a plan for each and every one of them. Some may yet turn from their ways, while others are used to impact the lives of others. Although the world may seem like utter chaos at times, God is still sovereign and nothing escapes His eye. Despite the sinfulness that goes on around us, we are to focus on the mission that He has provided us. He will take care of the rest.

Prayer Requests:

With only about two and a half weeks of school left, pray that I would finish the quarter strong.

Verse of the Week:

Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. For the Lord watches over the ways of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish. - Psalms 1:5-6

Shout Out:

Congratulations World Champion Chicago White Sox!!!

Welcome Aboard the Happy Bus!

2005-10-19T20:35:00.000-05:00

Inside the Mind:

On my commute to school this morning, I jumped on the first bus available when I arrived at Union Station. It just so happened to be the “Happy Bus”. There were several decorated posters in the windows that said “Happy Bus” or “Smile Please”. The inside of the bus was decorated with large yellow smiley face balloons. The bus driver had some funky hat on and was welcoming everybody to the “Happy Bus” as they came aboard. This was definitely something I had never seen before. Just another adventure in downtown Chicago.

As I sat on the bus with a balloon in my face and several disgruntled commuters sitting next to me, my thoughts shifted toward the world’s view of happiness. All human beings strive toward happiness. It is a God-given longing of the heart. The question we should ask ourselves is this: How are we trying to fulfill this desire? Many people believe that wealth, honor, fame, or even a “comfortable” life could fill this desire of happiness. I have personally met several people of high standing or wealth and have learned that they were not only unhappy, but also bored and restless. As soon as they reached the goal they thought would make them happy, their happiness lasted only a short while. They soon longed for more. Many things on this earth provide temporary happiness, but it is only that: temporary. We will always have a longing for more.

In the book of John, Jesus said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”

The word ‘complete’ in this verse, comes from the Greek word which means perfect, or filled to the top so that nothing more should be wanted. What an amazing promise! God is inviting us to partake of a perfect joy that is overflowing, not something that is temporary. Why are we satisfied with only the happiness of this world when there is something greater available? Have we lowered ourselves to a point where menial things provide us with our fix of happiness? There is a huge steak five-course dinner available, and we are choosing the PB&J instead. Something is drastically wrong with this picture.

Prayer Requests:

We have our last InterVarsity Large Group Meeting of the quarter Friday the 21st. Several non-Christians and several others that are struggling in their faith will be coming. Pray that their hearts will continually be encouraged and worked on through the speakers, worship, students, and fellowship.

Verse of the Week:

All that my eyes desired I did not refuse them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart was pleased because of all my labor and this was my reward for all my labor. Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun.- Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

Shout Out:

American League Champions! Go White Sox!!!
On to the World Series!

A Man in the Loop of Chicago

2005-10-13T23:30:00.000-05:00

Inside the Mind:

Well, I just got back from my InterVarsity small group Bible study. In three weeks time, our small group has grown from 4 people to about 12 people. This is only one of the three IV small groups on campus! I know several of the students in our group are really struggling with their faith right now, so it is an awesome thing to be able to encourage them. God is truly amazing. In the study, we were going through the book of John where it talks about the fields being ripe for harvest and reaping where others have sown. We brought up the topic of being bold enough to share with others and trusting God to work in their hearts. It is not our responsibility to bring them to Christ, but to share with them the Good News. It is then in God’s hands to draw them to himself.

Interestingly enough, as I was walking back to Union Station to head home, a person asked me how I was doing. Shocked at first that someone was actually trying to start a conversation with me downtown, I continued to engage in the conversation. He went on and on about some political philosophy that made no sense at all and it seemed to me he was only wasting my time (he was walking with me toward Union Station). If it had been any other night, I probably would have kept on going to my train. But the discussion we had in the Bible study was nagging me, so I decided to steer the conversation away from whatever that was he was trying to explain to me, and talk about some spiritual things. As we talked, I found out that he was currently on some state disability plan and was in the process of trying to get into a government housing plan, but was currently homeless. He bought cigarettes cheap in Joliet and sold them for a profit in Chicago for some extra cash besides the social security checks. He claimed to be a Christian and went to a Baptist church awhile back, but does not go to any church at this time. It was extremely hard to keep the conversation on track, as he would continually steer the conversation back to his political philosophy. He seemed to know a lot about God, but would always try to tie him into this philosophy. Eventually, I figured I was going nowhere so I asked if I could pray with him. He accepted, so I spent a couple minutes praying with him aloud. When I had finished, it seemed that he was touched in some way and thanked me sincerely. He left me with some words about how I was part of this political philosophy along with all of society and God Himself.

I don’t know what the 45 minutes of conversation and prayer did for this man who I will probably never see again, but I believe that God had some reason for it. Maybe a seed was planted. It wasn’t a coincidence that we talked about planting seeds in our Bible study and it wasn’t a coincidence that I happened to be walking down the street at exactly the same time this man was.

Prayer Requests:

I have had the opportunity to bring up God and the qualities of God with a friend of mine who is in two of my classes. He was raised Catholic and believes in God, but is totally works oriented. Pray that he would be continually interested.

Also, pray for the man that I talked with. Pray that the words spoken would somehow reach his senses and that God would work in his heart.

Verse of the Week:

Do you not say, ‘Four months more and then the harvest’? I tell you open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. - Matthew 4:35

Shout Out:

Marching on to Anaheim. Go White Sox!!!
World Series Magic Number: 4

Inside the Mind of Me

2005-10-07T00:07:00.000-05:00

Inside the Mind:

I just finished reading a biography on the life of George Muller, and was simply amazed at the way God was able to use this man of faith for His purposes. Throughout his life, he was put in circumstance after circumstance that tested his reliance on God to the limit. It was almost like a puzzle slowly being put together. God used each and every trial to build his character and reliance on God and prepare him for his orphanage and missionary work. Once Muller was ripe for the picking and the puzzle complete, God was able to do some amazing things.

The reason I mentioned this story, was to bring up the process in which Muller trusted God. He gave up all his worldly possessions along with his reliance on outside help, and trusted in God completely to provide all his needs. Throughout his life, God did not let him down even once. As I think about all these things, I start to notice how dependent I am on man for everything. I find myself looking to man for help instead of God. Could it be that God is just waiting eagerly to bless us beyond imagination, but we are so satisfied with what the world can do for us that we totally miss out on those blessings? Are we so blind that we are settling for this inferior worldly provision, when God is just waiting to pour out his blessings on us if we only ask Him? What does it take to shift your reliance from the world to God? At what point do you give up your earthly possessions as Muller did (If every Christian gave up all their possessions, there would be no one to contribute to missionary and other Christian work)? These are some of the things that have kept my mind spinning over the past week.

Prayer Requests:

So far, I have been able to park on the street at the Lisle Metra Station, but come winter, I will not be able to park on the street after more then 2 inches of snow. This of course means that I will need a spot in one of the commuter parking lots before the winter quarter starts in January. You can pray that God would provide (And that I would trust God to provide).

Verse of the Week:

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:28-34

Shout Out:

Gotta give a shout out to my Chicago White Sox! Go Sox!!!
World Series Magic Number: 9

The Passing of the Anti-Blogger

2005-09-28T16:19:00.000-05:00

I was always the anti-blogger, thinking it silly to have an online diary that everyone in the world could read. Sadly, I regret to inform you that another blog critic has bitten the dust. I have found that blogging is an excellent way to encourage others and be encouraged yourself.

As of yet, I have not decided on what my focus will be, but I intend to post something at least once a week. Stay tuned...